


The 'Hate Eddie Diaz' Club

by matan4il



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bit of Fluff, Crack, Enemies to Lovers, Getting Together, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, They're not enemies, they're just idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29902719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: "First item on the agenda, Eddie's disgustingly perfect hair.”A re-telling of ep 201, in which Buck is not quickly over his dislike of Eddie within just one shift, so he sets up the 'Hate Eddie Diaz' Club and ropes Hen and Chim into it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 59
Kudos: 169





	The 'Hate Eddie Diaz' Club

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RECHerondale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RECHerondale/gifts), [ToughPaperRound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/gifts).



> This fic was born from my idea for two Incorrect Buddie gifsets (one is posted with this fic, its parallel can be found on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/644932434382782464/parallel-version-here-my-other-humor-and)), mixed with a conversation that started with Didon posting a pic of the 'Hate Keith' Club. Thank you to everyone who was a part of that chat and wanted to see that idea as a fic!
> 
> Dedicated to Reece, for your birthday. You're such a lovely person and I wish you nothing but joy and fulfillment in everything. Lots of love! Also dedicated to Toughpaperround, because I wrote this so quickly, you didn’t get to beta this fic, which is a chance for me to say thank you for everything that you always do for me and for the fandom! Lastly, thank you to [Lana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DLanaDHZ/pseuds/DLanaDHZ) for being a wonderful beta and on such short notice, too! xoxox

  
  
  


Buck coughs. 

"I am hereby calling to order the first meeting of the 'Hate Eddie Diaz' Club." He points to the paper held up by tape that he scribbled the club's title on and holds for applause, but he only gets the slow clap variety from Chim, while Hen reclines her head forward and looks at him pointedly. Sheesh, tough crowd. "First item on the agenda, Eddie's disgustingly perfect hair. The stupid way that it looks so good even after he's had it under a helmet should be criminalized. He's making us all look bad. Who's with me on this one?" 

Chim slowly raises his finger. 

Hen gives him an inquiring look. 

"What? That part really is infuriating." 

She shakes her head at him and sighs. "I did not sign up for this." 

"Actually," Buck points out, holding up a document with everyone's signatures, "you did! See here? Clause 23(b). 'Every session of the club will begin with the reading of the items one by one until a conclusion on hatred for these is reached for each one.' We're gonna do exactly that." 

Hen grimaces. "That's not actually legally binding, is it?" she asks Chim, who simply shrugs. 

"Right, moving on to the next item on the agenda. Eddie's upsettingly bright smile. Seriously, that thing is practically blinding when he flashes it. I believe it constitutes a hazard to our working conditions and could risk our lives..." 

"Oh, this is just sad," Hen exclaims through her dropped open mouth. 

"Close," Buck replies patiently. "More upsetting than sad, but we're getting there. This is good, we're agreeing here. Should we continue to discuss how dangerous his smile is or are we all agreed and I can read out the next item?" 

"Which is?" Chim inquires. 

"His insane ass. That thing sticks out and draws so much attention to itself, clearly it can endanger not only our focus on the job, but also the ability of our vics to cooperate with us when we need them to." 

Chim closes his gaping mouth. "Okay, I'm going to tell him." 

"Don't you dare," Hen warns him. "This is just getting good." 

"But this poor man..." 

Buck raises an eyebrow. "Are you trying to add items to the list? Because there's still room." 

Chim sighs and is about to say something, when Hen's palm comes to cover his mouth before he has the chance to. She asks hurriedly, before he'll have the opportunity to struggle his way out of her hold, "How about his abs? Do we get to discuss those?" 

"Excellent addition!" Buck points his pen to her and starts reading aloud what he's writing down. "Horrifyingly hard abs that someone could hurt themselves running their hands over." He stops. "Does that sound about right to you?" 

"Uh huh," Hen answers with a grin precisely when Chim manages to wrestle himself away from her. "Or do you have anything to add about how awful those perfect abs are?" she asks him. 

"You tried to choke me!" he protests. 

"Choking hazard! Good point, Chim. Thank you." Buck scribbles, "Anyone watching Eddie's abs too long in the gym might find themselves accidentally choking." He looks up beaming. "You know, I think we could save the LAFD from being sued for reckless endangerment if we go ahead and file this list." 

"You're actually thinking of handing this list in to Bobby?" Chim wants to know. 

"I think so. It wasn't the original idea, but if this can make a difference for the better? Hell yeah!" 

"Hmmm. In that case, you may wanna add how awfully problematic his eyes are as well." 

"You're right, they're too big and beautiful, it's too easy for people to drown in them." Buck jots a few more lines down. "Thanks, Chim. You're a good friend. Shall we do this now?" 

Hen raises both eyebrows and draws out her response. "Oh, I do believe we shall." 

Buck hops up on his feet, the list gripped tightly in his hand. "Let's go." 

He leads the way to Bobby's office while his friends make a beeline behind him. 

The door opens up within ten seconds from Buck knocking on it. He smiles awkwardly, almost apologetically for the way he's all of a sudden unsure of what to say. Then he remembers he doesn't have to speak at all, he has a list in his hand that can do all the talking for him. "Here," he shoves it at his captain. 

Bobby takes the sheet of paper and reads through it quickly. "Ummm... what?" 

"We're helping, Cap. This points out all the ways that the new probie is a liability to our department. You should let him go before he causes any damage." 

"Is that right? Whose initiative was this?" 

Buck grins and puffs up his chest. "Mine. I've been thinking outside the box." 

"I see. And you two helped?" Bobby inspects Hen and Chim, who cower slightly under his gaze. 

"They absolutely did. We're all in agreement about this," Buck declares and turns to them. "Don't worry, I'm not cutting you out of the credit." 

"Oh, by all means, please feel free to," Hen chimes in. 

"Alright, I think I understand what we're dealing with here." They all zone in on their Captain right away. "I have a few reports to fill out, so I'll make this short. Buck, Eddie Diaz is not a danger to this department, you just have a crush on him. Hen and Chim, I better not discover you have a bet on this. All of you, get back to work." 

He hands the list back and closes his office door. 

Buck turns around slowly to face his teammates, but all he finds is air where they stood a moment ago. He'd swear that he can practically see the cartoon styled Hen and Chim shaped clouds that they left in their wake as they must have fled out of there at top speed. 

The rest of the shift passes by with him throwing daggers at them with his looks. Traitors. Maybe the name of the club should be expanded. 

He definitely doesn't look over at Eddie, because that bastard doesn't have the decency to look a little less perfect even on the day of Buck's total humiliation at his captain's office. 

As soon as the shift is over, he's in the Jeep and calling Maddie. His sister can hear the distress in his voice. "I'll be at your place in no time," she promises. 

When he gets there, Maddie's already by the door waiting for him. "What happened?" 

"This guy!" Buck explodes with the rage that has been building up inside him since the first day he met the new recruit. "Eddie Diaz. He's been so fucking awful! You don't even understand. Today? He made me look terrible in front of my boss." 

Maddie frowns. "This guy is making you look bad on the job? Ooof. Fuck Eddie!" 

"I'm trying!" Buck cries out, dramatically emphasizing his desperation with his hands. 

"What?" her eyebrows fly up. 

"What?" he replies, his mouth suddenly ajar, face completely pale, head empty of thoughts, only panic left behind. 

"I think you might have some things to work out, Evan." She's using that motherly tone she sometimes takes when she can see him running into trouble. 

Which only makes him double down. "No! No things, nothing to work out. I do not secretly harbor a crush on Eddie Diaz. I hate his guts. I even started a club, see?" he pulls his phone out and opens up the Facebook page he started for the club to show her. But the screen reads in huge letters, "The 'Fuck Eddie Diaz' Club". Shit, he forgot to change the text online when he decided the first title he chose was too vulgar. A picture of Eddie is glaring back from right under the word 'fuck' with that smoldering, sexy stare and... okay, maybe Buck does have some things to figure out. 

"Ummm. Maybe you should go home, Maddie." He doesn't want to kick her out, but figuring things out will probably entail a cold shower or a quick round of jerk off. Possibly both. 

After a long night of hardly any sleep, lots of contemplation and more quality time with his hand than he has had since high school, he decides to go visit Eddie. Buck doesn't have a plan, but one way or another, he's sure this can help resolve things. When he parks the Jeep by the Diaz residence, he spots Eddie outside on the lawn. He's watering the grass and talking to a young kid who's sitting in pajamas on a step, playing with a toy car, a pair of crutches laying on the ground beside him. It must be his son from their easy going manner. Just then, Eddie laughs at something the boy says and damn, who would have guessed that breath actually can be stolen? Buck's in bigger trouble than he had realized. 

He musters the courage to do... well, anything. Sitting in a parked vehicle isn't going to help the situation anyhow. 

He gets out and walks over to the father and son duo. 

"Hi!" he waves shyly, mainly at the kid, because a big stranger showing up out of nowhere must be really scary at that age. 

"Hello," he replies and waves back. 

"Hey?" Eddie's surprised and confused tone is impossible to miss. 

"I love kids," Buck blurts out of nowhere. 

For whatever reason, his words aren't met with the shocked horror that he's feeling. Instead, Eddie chuckles and replies, "Well, I love this one." 

"Christopher," his son corrects him. 

"Hi, Christopher," Buck suspects he must be glowing. "I work with your dad. And I'm really happy to meet you." 

The boy smiles at him. "Me, too." 

They're going to be really good friends. Buck can tell already. He would love to carry on talking, but he did come here because he has a problem that he should be taking care of. 

"Hey, is it okay if I borrow your dad for a second? I promise I'll bring him right back." 

The boy nods and goes back to playing with his car. 

The two men walk aside until Buck's sure they can't be heard. 

"Okay, so I'm... here to apologize. I've been a jerk to you. I'm really sorry and I'm more than willing to make it up to you for the stuff that I've done." 

Eddie shrugs. "Don't sweat it. How bad can any of that stuff be?" 

"Aaah, well... in the name of evening things out, can I maybe interest you in joining the 'Fuck Evan Buckley' Club?" 

"Huh?" 

Buck scrunches up his face. He really needs to learn how to control his own mouth. "Long story. Short version, I may have a crush on you." 

"Huh." 

"Okay, definitely. I definitely do." 

"Why didn't you just say so?" Eddie shrugs. "I'm free tomorrow evening if you wanna go out." 

Buck can't believe his ears. "It's that easy?" 

"Well, what did you expect?" Eddie laughs good naturedly. "You're hot, Calendar Boy." He tilts his head and grows more serious, "Plus, you were really great with Chris there." 

"He's a really great kid. I'd love to get to know him more." 

"That makes both of us." 

They smile goofily at each other for a long beat. 

Right here, right now, there's really no need for anything more. 

Then Eddie appears to be recalling something. "Oh, but before we go back to him, I wanna hear more about that club..."

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to send me feedback, prompts, questions, anything at [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/)! And thank you in advance for any kudos, comments, etc. It's all so very appreciated and helps more than you know! <33333


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